A lot of people stay in a bad marriage for far too long just to protect their children. However, being exposed to constant drama and resentment every day can harm your children much more than a divorce. No one is saying that divorces are harmless for them, but there are certain things you can take care of in order for them to get through the whole process without severe consequences.
As soon as you and your partner have made a decision about separation and divorce, it is important to inform your child about it. You have to do it gently and it is recommended that both of you are present for the talk. Calmly explain to your children why have you made that decision and don’t forget to tell them that it is not their fault. That little detail is of the utmost importance since every child, no matter the age, will start believing it is their fault mommy and daddy are separating. Your children have to know that you love them and that you always will, no matter what, and that the divorce is happening due to some other issues the two of you have.
Get the Process Done Quickly
Divorces take time, but there are some alternatives to get them done quickly. If a divorce process takes too much time, you are risking too many negative emotions and disagreements at home, which is not a good environment for children. It is best if you avoid the traditional litigation, since those systems will turn you and your spouse against each other from the start, which will only bring more drama into the house. Your best option is an uncontested form of a divorce, which allows you and your spouse to come to mutual agreements about everything; especially the custody. Put your kids first and find ways of making the process shorter and less expensive. You can even opt for an uncontested divorce in California online and speed up the whole divorce process even more. Plus, you are minimizing paperwork and long court visits, which are stressful for all of you.
Spare Your Child the Drama
As soon as the divorce process starts, your child will have to adjust to living in two houses. This can be difficult for them and it is your job to make things easier. While they are staying at your place, focus on doing the things they like and enjoy, rather than spending time talking about the divorce. Avoid trying to get any information about your ex from your children and never use them as a messenger to your ex. Additionally, avoid fighting in front of your children and never speak badly about your ex. That will only put unnecessary stress on them which is not beneficial for anyone in this situation.
Listen to Them
You are not the only one here who will be going through various emotions. As much as it may hurt you to get a divorce, it may hurt your children even more. Despite their age, your children will need and will find the ways of letting their emotions out and you have to be there for them. Listen to what they have to say, what they feel and what they want. You have to be their rock and help them get through this with you. They might cry, get angry or build walls around them, and you have to give them the best support. Also, there is no shame in seeking help from professionals that can help both of you overcome this rough patch in your lives.
Divorces are not easy, and your children might be the ones who suffer the most. Focus on being a good parent, especially during this period, be there for your children and don’t expose them to stress. Make sure they know you both love them the same, and forget about competing at who is a better parent.